Birthdays

Today is my birthday. I'm 31. It feels a bit anti-climactic after my milestone birthday last year, but still a special day. We got Dunkin Donuts for breakfast and Pat took me out for a nice date while my Mom watch the kids. I went to the Y and enjoyed a long workout while the kids were in childcare. Overall, a really good day.

Brenna's birthday came and went a week ago without any fanfare. She's 2 now. It makes me sad to think that I've missed another milestone in her life. I wonder- do they celebrate birthdays in her orphanage? Did she even know it was a special day for her, as much as a 2 year old can know that? Has she ever tasted cake? or ice cream? Has she seen balloons?

It strikes me that by turning 2, she is no longer an "infant." I'm honestly not sure where she is developmentally because the file we have on her is over a year old and we're still waiting on an update, so perhaps developmentally she is still infant-like in some ways. But chronologically she is now 2. I have missed her entire infancy. And I'm trying to be okay with that. I am a lover of babies, especially fresh ones. I can't get enough of them, and Lord willing, I hope to have at least 1 or 2 more in my future. It was not God's plan for me to have Brenna as an infant, and I take comfort in His sovereignty over my life and hers.

Collin will be 2 in October, so assuming our timeline stays roughly as expected and Brenna comes home in the spring, I will then be raising two 2-year olds. This is no small task and I need to be ready! Instead of spending nine months gestating and preparing my body to give birth, I've made the decision to spend the next nine months until Brenna comes home getting my body and my mind ready to be her Mama. We joined the Y 2 weeks ago and I've gone almost every day.  I need to be strong enough to carry Brenna, as much as a new mother would carry her newborn. I need to have the stamina for the 12-day trip to China and then the endurance to be a mother to 5 children ages 8 and under. I need to be closer than ever to the Lord and to the community of believers He has so graciously surrounded me with to encourage me in this adoption journey.

I'm looking forward to next August and celebrating Brenna turning 3 and being in our family forever. I hope that we're so in love with our new daughter and completely entrenched in becoming a family of 7 that my 32nd birthday feels even more anti-climactic than my 31st birthday has been.